Free · start here
Something Is Wrong and You Can't Explain It
Six pages. What ambient erasure is, why all men do that shuts the conversation down, and why there was never a day you found out. Read it tonight.
Courses and guides
Everything on this site, in the order most women read it
Written for the partner of a man whose porn use, scanning or sexual compulsion has been the one thing nobody would confirm for you. Start with the free guide. The course and the workbook are there when you want more than words for it.
Everything is written, self-paced, and read on your own phone. Nothing here asks you to make a decision about your relationship.
The course · $197 CAD
Understanding What Happened to You
Four modules, sixteen lessons. What sex addiction and compulsive sexual behaviour actually look like from the outside, the five layers underneath the porn, and why this injures differently from an affair.
The workbook · $37 CAD
The Ambient Erasure Workbook
Twenty-two exercises across five parts. Pages to write on rather than lessons to take, built around one job: getting your own knowing back.
Elsewhere
The same pattern, from the other side
Three sites, one body of work. Some women want to know what is actually being asked of him before they decide anything.
sexaddictionhelp.ca
His side of it, and what recovery actually requires
Written for men in recovery from porn and sex addiction, and for the therapists working with them. It says plainly that stopping the porn does not reach the appetite, the scanning, or the concealing — which is the thing most partners already know and cannot get anyone to say.
coercivecontrolcanada.com
The practice behind this work
Coercive control and intimate partner violence: expert reports, evidence and training. If you want to know who wrote this material and what she does the rest of the time, it is there. Nothing is sold from that site.
What this is, and what it isn't. This is educational material, not therapy, and not an assessment of you. Nothing here is a diagnosis — I'm a social worker and psychotherapist, and diagnosis isn't mine to give. What follows is a way of understanding a pattern I've seen often in twenty years of practice, offered so you can think about your own situation with better language than most of us are handed. If you're working with a therapist, bring this to them.
A note on language. Throughout, the person with the pattern is "he" and the partner is "she." That reflects where this shows up most often, and it isn't the only way it happens. If your situation is arranged differently, everything here still applies — read it with that adjustment.
If you're struggling right now, you don't have to sit with it alone. In Canada, the 9-8-8 Suicide Crisis Helpline is available 24/7 — call or text 9-8-8. About Elizabeth · The diary · Contact