What's shaped this work

Betrayal, and what it does to perception

If you only read one group, read this one

Jennifer Freyd and Pamela Birrell, Blind to Betrayal (2013)
Jennifer Freyd, Betrayal Trauma: The Logic of Forgetting Childhood Abuse (1996)
Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse (2009)
Claudia Black, Deceived: Facing Sexual Betrayal, Lies, and Secrets (2009)
Stefanie Carnes (ed.), Mending a Shattered Heart (2011)
Sheri Keffer, Intimate Deception (2018)
Michelle Mays, The Betrayal Bind (2022)
Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery (1992)

Coercive control and gendered violence

Why it isn't about a raised voice

Evan Stark, Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life (2007)
Jess Hill, See What You Made Me Do (2019)
Michael P. Johnson, A Typology of Domestic Violence (2008)
Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? (2002)

Entitlement, and whose account gets believed

Kate Manne, Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny (2017)
Miranda Fricker, Epistemic Injustice (2007)
Kate Abramson, "Turning Up the Lights on Gaslighting" (2014)

Sex addiction — the whole argument, both sides

Nobody agrees on the word, and that is worth knowing

Patrick Carnes, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (1983)
Douglas Braun-Harvey and Michael Vigorito, Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior (2016)
Joshua Grubbs and colleagues, on moral incongruence and self-reported porn addiction

Carnes founded the addiction model. Braun-Harvey and Vigorito argue it isn't an addiction at all. Grubbs argues that a good deal of what people call porn addiction is distress about their own values. Reading all three is how you get to your own position rather than somebody else's.

Omar Minwalla — white papers

On deceptive sexuality, the "secret sexual basement", and the harm done to the partner. His central point — that the addiction model can look straight past the person it has been hurting — is the one most likely to be useful to you.

Porn, objectification, and what gets learned

Where the ranking is taught

Gail Dines, Pornland (2010)
Barbara Fredrickson and Tomi-Ann Roberts, "Objectification Theory", Psychology of Women Quarterly (1997)

No man learns to rank the women in a room by accident. These two are about where it comes from, and what it does to the women being ranked — including what it does to how you see yourself in a mirror.